69 How to Embody Your Next-Level Self: Goals, Bold Decisions & Nervous System Capacity

If you’ve been trying so hard to grow into your next level and to feel more alive, confident, and fulfilled but it’s starting to feel like pushing a boulder uphill, this episode is for you. Maybe you’re longing for more depth, more spark, more purpose, yet you find yourself looping two steps forward, once step back. Maybe you’ve healed and healed and healed now just want to move forward. Or perhaps your life looks fine but feels a bit vanilla.  

Life starts to meet you differently when you change how you relate to yourself, your goals, your business, and your life. That’s when you become magnetic.  

Listen in as I walk you through how to embody your next-level self by coming back into your body, building nervous system capacity, and shifting from trying harder to receiving more.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• Three common patterns you may fall into when trying to embody your next level self
• How to work with discomfort instead of running from it
• Why trying harder or endless healing keeps you looping instead of expanding
• The role of safety and sensitivity in creating authentic confidence
• The 3-pillar spiral (Attune, Liberate, Expand) and how it supports your potency

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Transcript

Tertia [00:00:00]:
Welcome to the Feminine Embodiment Podcast. This is your space to awaken your feminine energy, rise into confidence, and live from your most embodied and authentic self. I'm Tertia Regler, Feminine Embodiment Coach, and I'll be your guide as we travel to the depths of your truth and the fullness of your magnetism. While you remember the power to that is already inside of you. Thank you so much for pressing play on this episode. And in today's episode, I want to talk about how you can embody the next level of you. So when I say next level, what I mean is that version of you that is living and working as your most powerful and most potential self. So today's episode is a follow on from a previous episode that I did where I spoke about how we can become more embodied woman, what that looks like in our lives and how that helps us reclaim our feminine superpowers, how that helps us live and express ourselves more authentically. And if you haven't watched that episode yet, I will link it for you down below. And if you are listening on the podcast, it is episode number 68. All right, so getting on to today's episode, I want to take us a level deeper into how do we actually then begin to embody this powerful and potent version of ourselves? If we have a yearning and a desire to up level our lives in this way, how can we begin to do it? So I want to start by painting a picture of where you may be right now. So you may find yourself having the dreams and the desires. You have this idea of what it is that you want to do with your life and how you want to be and how you want to show up. But it is as if you are pushing a boulder up a hill and everything just feels really hard and it even might feel a little bit out of reach. And that you, you have to grasp or strive or really effort to realize these dreams and desires that you have. You might feel that you go two steps forward and for every two steps that you go forward, you go one step back and it's this forwards backwards dance. And you might imagine that there are some blocks in your way. You might even know what some of these blocks are. Maybe it is where you finding yourself right now that you want to take your business to the next level. But something keeps on holding you back. Maybe you want to change the number of clients you are calling in, maybe you want to change the level of income, maybe you want to change your business structure, but you're just not able to take that final Step. Maybe you want to call in deeper intimacy in a relationship that you have. So it might be literal intimacy in the bedroom, it might be deeper levels of communication. And it feels to you like there's a lot of efforting involved. Perhaps you find yourself that you are a little bit bored with your life, and it's a secret that you don't want to share with anyone. Because, honestly, when you look at your life, when you look at what you've accomplished, things look pretty good. But inside, you have this feeling of blandness, as if your life feels just a little bit too vanilla, a little bit too bland, and there's something missing, but you can't put your finger on it. And honestly, you don't think anybody would understand if you express that, because from the outside, it looks like you've got everything going for you. And then the final place that you could find yourself in as you get ready to embody this next level of you is perhaps you or someone who has spent a whole heap of time on healing yourself. And you've healed, and you've healed, and you've healed, and you've actually now reached a point where you go, I just want to move forward. I just want to, like, leave all of this behind and step into that next level and actually go out and express myself and live freely and, like, suck the juice out of life instead of constantly and always use my time on healing. You might see yourself in one of these examples. You might see yourself in more than one of the examples. And typically, what I see is that there are, in general, three ways. There might be more, but for purposes of this episode, I want to just touch on the three ways in which we typically try and deal with this or try and solve it and make it better. So one of the first things that we often do, we try harder, right? We really put extra effort in. And it might look like trying a new productivity app or buying a new scheduler or calendar to try and organize our lives with, or maybe buying a new course, another one that goes to lie in the vault of all of the courses that you've already bought. And so what this looks like or what this means is we're looking for something outside of ourselves to fix what it is that we are feeling on the inside, to heal the sense of yearning or the longing or the discomfort that we are experiencing. We're looking for something on the outside to heal that, to make it go away and to fix that. So we are essentially looking for someone else to give us the answer to what it is. That we are experiencing and no judgment there. We've all been in that situation. The second thing that I see we often do is that we might walk around with this sense of resentment or frustration or annoyance, but it's not directed at the people in our lives. Instead, we turn it on ourselves. We direct it towards ourselves. So this might look like how having a very strong inner critic, being super hard on yourself, being very judgmental about or towards yourself. Rather, after interactions with clients or after interactions with loved ones, you might replay the conversations that you had, you might replay things, decisions that you made, and you keep on wishing for a different outcome. And. And there's a lot of harshness towards ourselves in that action. And then the third way in which we typically deal with not feeling as if we are fully living up to our potential and feeling like there's something missing in our lives is that we focus on what is wrong. We focus on what is not working. We focus on why am I feeling like this, why I am, why am I struggling like this, why are things not working out for me no matter how hard I try, how much more do I need to heal, what else do I need to do? And while this is so valid and it is so true, we focusing on the wrong thing, and I'm saying that with love, what we want to do instead is we want to use the resources that we have available to focus on our desires. And then in this way we can bring our desires towards us instead of focusing on only that which is wrong. Because what's going to happen is if we are looking for evidence of what is not working, guess what? We are going to see more of what is not working. So if you want to step into that next level, start looking for evidence of where you are already there instead of where it's not working. All right, so in the previous episode that I spoke about, I mentioned that I have a three pillar process that I take my clients through. And what I'd love to do now is expand a little bit on this process to give you some insights, some ideas and some tools of how you could begin to apply this in your own lives, bring it into your own life so that you can step into that next level of view. So as I said in the previous episode, I'm just going to remind you here that this is not a linear process. So it's not first do the one, then the next, and then the third one, even though it might sound like it, but instead it's a spiral. So the feminine always moves in a spiral. She doesn't move linearly. And so with our own experience expansion and our own growth, it also happens that we move in spirals. And the pillars then in this process works as a spiral. So you can find yourself going up or down the spiral at any time. And when you enter into the spiral again, which often happens when we go through a lot of self growth, often we might feel like we're facing the same challenge again, or we might face the same situation again. But actually, when you think about it, it's not the exact same version of you that's bumping up against this challenge. It is a deeper unraveling that's happening. It's like an onion. There's always new layers to uncover. So the very first pillar in our spiral is that of attunement. And this is the foundation actually of, in my world and in my worldview, this is the foundation of how we can live fully actualized is we have to live from the inside out, right? We have to be our own sovereign leader within. We have to be connected to our own dreams and our own desires. We have to really be in touch with all parts of who we are. The parts that cheer us on and also the parts that hold us back. And I'm putting that in quotation marks because ultimately the parts that are holding us back are doing that because they are trying to keep us safe and they are protecting us. And we'll dive a little bit deeper into that. Embodiment is all about being able to. To be inside your body, right? And to feel your emotions, to feel the deeper sensations of your internal felt sense and to express that in healthy ways. But most of us live in a very disembodied way. And not because there's something wrong with us, but just because the way of the world encourages us to be disembodied. We are typically very focused on moving forward and taking action and planning and strategizing. And often we disregard ourselves beyond the neck, right? So from the neck down, often our bodies are an inconvenience. An example that I always use is think about how easy it is for you to override the signals of your body and that you are hungry, that you are thirsty, that you need to go to the bathroom. And modern life encourages us often to override ourselves in this way. But there's a problem when we do this because we then get crossed and mixed signals from our body. We struggle to actually read the signals of our body if we habitually ignore these impulses that we experience. All right, so that's on A, let's call it a macro level where we ignore these deeper impulses or these louder impulses of being hungry, being thirsty, needing to go to the bathroom. And then when we bring in the layer of our intuitive wisdom, our instinct, those cues are a lot more subtle. And so if we are in the habit of overriding even these bigger cues and signals of our bodies, obviously it's going to be very, very, very difficult for us to even contact the more subtle and more silent even hits and signals from our intuition and our instinct. And yet this is such a crucial element of how we get to live from the inside out is by using all of the resources that we have available to us. And so it needs sensitivity. We need to attune to what is going on in our internal world. We need to develop a sensitivity because as we go through life like we lose our sensitivity, we lose our ease of being embodied. If you think of children, they are very embodied. They are in contact with what they feeling. They say what they want, they say what they think, they say what they feel. They are very clear on their needs. They're very expressive in their joy and in their anger. So their emotions come easily. And then of course, as we grow older, we start to pack those things away because we believe we need to be more composed or we need to be more professional. And in the process, what happens is we actually lose access to our feelings and the sensations that become fuel for our actions. And instead we tend to drive our lives from our minds. Okay. And inevitably that looks like being filled with self doubt when we least need it. It looks like trying to control things when we don't feel safe. And it looks like feeling flat and numb and bored and blah with our lives, even if everything looks fine on the outside. When we learn to drop out of our heads and we attune to the feelings and the sensations that is alive inside of us. What also happens in this process is we learn how to feel safe within ourselves. And this is something that clients often come to me for, they often mention this is that they're not feeling safe in themselves, they don't feel safe in their bodies. And I think that this is something that sadly is so common for so many of us, and there are many reasons why we don't feel safe to be inside our bodies. But when we become sensitive to the language of our body, when we become sensitive to this plethora of feelings and sensations, this universe that is alive within us, we can also then begin to attune ourselves to safety, resources, both internal safety Resources and external safety resources. And let me tell you, if you want to stretch yourself, if you want to expand in any area of your life, if you want to move into that next level, whoever she is, you need to feel safe. You need to have safety resources to hold you, otherwise your system is going to collapse. And those patterns that we have that are there to protect us, our nervous system that's there to protect us, when it looks like danger is zooming, you're going to get blocked by that. All right? So finding safety within is crucial. And it's not only to feel safe in our bodies, but also to feel safe as who we are. And when we begin to attune ourselves to our internal world, we also begin to heal the relationship that we have with ourselves. And in that healing, what happens is we begin to feel safe to be who we are. So this is the first pillar of stepping into that next level version of you. The second pillar in my spiral is to liberate. So in the previous episode I spoke about how all of these unprocessed experiences that happen to us in life can often get stuck in, in our nervous system. Your nervous system is the key to your wellness. Not your mindset, not your willpower, not your ability to push through, but the, can I call it the state of your nervous system, the capacity that your nervous system holds, the baseline of your nervous system and the internal space that you create within yourself. So let's unpack that a little bit more. The trouble is that for so many of us, it's quite painful. Without sounding too dramatic, it can be quite painful to be inside our bodies. And what happens is, if it's painful to be inside our bodies, where do we go? We escape into our minds. We escape into taking action and to being busy and to doing things to, to distract ourselves. So I can give you a very simple example of how it can be very uncomfortable to be inside your body. Think about the last time where you had to make a decision about something and perhaps this was something that the decision would have quite far reaching impact. How easeful did it feel for you while you were sitting with this decision? How did it feel internally? Did it feel like you were swirling? Did it feel like you were closing up? Did it feel like you were completely unable to actually decide and you were wondering what is the right decision and could someone just help you and maybe decide for you or tell you what it is that you needed to do? And so typically, if you have found yourself in a situation like this, you will know that it feels really really uncomfortable inside our bodies. Like, we don't want to be there, we don't want to feel that. And so we are looking for things to make the feeling go away. And this is where embodiment comes in. Because embodiment asks of us to go and meet that feeling, that feeling of discomfort. Or we of where it's living inside the body and of holding close and opening ourselves to being with this discomfort, to seeing. What does it have to tell us? Because more often than not, if we are stretching ourselves, if we are trying to do something that's just a tiny little bit outside our comfort zone, or it's something that might have a ripple effect and repercussions in our lives, of course there is going to be some fear around that. And whenever we have fear, our natural protective mechanism comes up. All right? And in this example, most likely this discomfort is part of this natural protective mechanism that has come up. And if we are only going to look on the outside for things to distract ourselves, or looking for other people to tell us how to make the discomfort go away, or what should we do so we don't have to even face that sense of responsibility of what if this is the wrong choice that I'm going to make in this situation? We are robbing ourselves of valuable, valuable data that actually can fuel our actions, that can fuel our power and our presence, and that can give us insight into how we can move through the world in a most actualized way. So that's the one side of liberation. The other side is throughout our lives, whenever we experience things and we'll call them trauma, as in anything that happens too fast, that's too much or that is too soon, and that doesn't get processed through the system, gets stuck inside. We have perhaps some beliefs and some worldviews and our map and perspective of what the universe is like and where we fit into the universe and who we are in relationship to other people. So we have all of these worldviews. And those worldviews, the traumas that we've experienced, the discomfort that we. That we have about possibly making the wrong decision, all of that lives in our nervous system. And if we don't access that and allow it to move through us, what actually happens is it becomes stuck inside of us. And that's why it can so often feel when we are moving forward. It might feel like your feet are stuck in the mud and you can't get away and you actually can't get traction. And it's that typical two steps forward, one step back. My Experience has shown me it's often because of what is. Is living in our nervous system, what is stuck in our nervous system. And this is a very interesting point to make, because if we try and resolve this on the level of the mind, and we try and reason our way through it, all that we do is we just end up playing in our heads. All right? What we want to do is we want to learn how to drop into the body and go and move. Meet the frozen tension is what I'll call it. To meet the frozen tension, where it lives inside the body, to hold space for it, to be present to it, to welcome it into our experience, to open, to see what does it have to share with us and to allow it to move through us and from us. It opens us up for flow. So all of the frozen tension, you can think of it this way, the frozen tension actually released into flow. And now you have this full force of your personal energy, your personal power, your intuitive wisdom, your inner knowing. You have this available to create your life in the way that you desire. And this brings me then to the third point in my. In my spiral. So the third pillar in the spiral, and that is the pillar of expanding. I often use the example of a beach ball. And what I see is when we have a lot of frozen tension, and I know we can't really quantify it as a lot of frozen tension, but work with me here. If we have a lot of gunk stuck in our nervous system that is holding us back, a lot of things that are unresolved, a lot of beliefs that we have that is not serving us, and a lot of old patterns which then come up to protect us because it wants to keep us safe when we have all of that. It feels to me, the way I see it, it's like holding down a beach ball under the water. So there's a lot of effort that's contained or held up rather, in how we hold this beach ball under the water. And we effort and we work hard, and we don't have a lot of energy available for anything else because all of our energy goes into holding this here. And when we do the liberate process, when we create that flow in ourselves, what happens? It's like you're letting that beach ball go and it can bounce out into the air. And as it floats on the water, all of a sudden we don't have to effort as much. It's as if things just become easier and we can rest back and we can begin to receive. So one of the things that happens when we find ourselves stuck in wanting to go into our next level, but we feel that we're not there yet. We feel that's really hard. What can happen is physically, our bodies, like literally tense up. We start bracing ourselves, we start grasping, we start leaning hard into, and in the process, we basically we closing ourselves off. And so when we release that, that beach ball into the air, we also soften. This is where we now can begin to receive. If you're not bracing anymore, if you're not holding things up and things in place anymore, then you actually have the capacity to rest back and to receive and to take that energy that has become available now that you're not using anymore here. And you can direct that energy into another way of being, into another way of showing up. You can now direct that energy to start cultivating habits that are supporting you. You can start using that energy to be more creative and tap into your intuition and like, really dial up your magnetism, which are all part of our feminine superpowers, our creativity, our intuition, and our magnetism. When we live only from the head up, and we are disconnected from our body, what we are also disconnected from is the four dimensions of the body. We disconnected not only from our physical body and easily overriding all of our signals, but we are also disconnected from our mental body. And so many of our thoughts, well, not so many our thoughts have a felt experience in the body. So whatever it is that you are thinking, you can trace the root texture, the feeling of that in your body. And we are disconnected from our emotional body. So this often looks like that we can experience sadness. Sangha, I wanted to say we can experience sadness, which is like on the one end of the extreme, or we can experience anger or rage, which is on the other end. And we maybe have access to these two extreme, for lack of a better word, emotions. But we don't really have access to the whole range of emotions that is available beyond that and inside of that. And then the fourth body that we are also disconnected from is our energetic body, our spiritual body, our truth, our North Star, our soul. And by coming into our bodies, we can have access to all of the data that these other four bodies that I just spoke of can offer us. All right? And imagine the difference if you are trying to navigate your way through life and try and live as this most actualized version of you. Imagine having to do that only from the level of your mind mind, or doing that with the data that you get from your instincts and your intuition and the information about the World through these other bodies as well. I always think about it like having a food processor. So perhaps you have this food processor and you know that it can chop, but all of the other parts and the extensions of this is still lying in the box. And unless you go and look inside the box to see what the other adapters and things are, you only use this food processor for chopping. And like, what a waste if it can do so much more. So in order for you to be able to use it in its full, exquisite food processing abilities, you have to look inside the box. And this is what happens when we tune to our internal world and we come into contact with our internal felt sense. We create that safety inside the body. And then we also liberate whatever stuckness and gunk is there. And that is in our way, we liberate that into flow. The other aspect that I want to touch on in terms of expanding and living and creating our lives from the inside out is that it has so much to do with the relationship that we have to things. Okay, so the relationship that you have to yourself, the relationship that you have to life, plays a role here. So some toxic things that I often see in personal development is the whole idea that if you change your thought, you can change your reality. And the thing is, we cannot change our circumstances if we go out from the viewpoint to say that you just need to change the way that you're thinking and then you can create a whole new reality for yourself and you can change everything. It's very dangerous because it's focused on privilege and it disregards the real life circumstances of people of where they're finding themselves in the world. All right, I fell into that trap as well. And what it ended up doing to me is it made me feel very bad and very self judgy for not wanting my desires enough and not doing positive thinking well enough and not being good enough to actually create the desire or create the reality that I wanted. And that wasn't really helping me in any way, shape or form. What I've since come to learn is that it's not about what you're thinking that's creating your reality. It's the relationship that you have internally with yourself, towards yourself, and towards the circumstance that you find yourself in, which determines whether you are standing in your most empowered way in that situation or not. In my worldview, standing as your most empowered version takes the cake every time. And this is also how we free up energy so that we have more energy available to create, to be magnetic, and to Let our intuitive wisdom guide us through our lives. Our personal power and potential has everything to do with how we relate. So it's how we relate to ourselves, how we relate to people in our lives, how we relate to money, how safe we feel to be ourselves, how safe we feel to be seen and to show up. What is our relationship towards being seen, being visible, being heard, being received. And there are two ingredients necessary and that's what I shared in this episode. The first ingredient is sensitive sensitivity, which we find by attuning to our internal world. And the second ingredient is capacity, expanding our own capacity. And when you have a lot of gunk stuck in your nervous system, which is a very simplified way of talking through what is happening internally. But work with me, when we have that gunk stuck in our nervous system that is holding us back out of protection, we don't have capacity either. And so we want to create that capacity so that we can step boldly and confidently into that version of ourselves that has the relationship depth that she desires, that can make bold decisions and she can stand behind her decisions, that can serve the world in her business in a way that leads leaves her deeply fulfilled and that touches the lives of her clients and the people that they come into contact with. And so I hope that you found some nuggets in this episode. And before you go, I have a free gift that I would love to share with you. It's a 12 minute guided audio. It's called Tune into your truth. And if you felt tickled by the idea of starting to drop down from your head and get into your body and you want to attune and become sensitive to your internal world, that is exactly what the Tune into your truth guided audio will support you with. It's a beautiful step one. It's free and you can grab it from the link below. And all you need to do is give your email address into the little box, type in your email address and I will send that to you by email. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. I loved sharing this time with you and I look forward to chatting with you in the next one. Bye.