#13 Building self confidence | overcome self doubt & change limiting beliefs through embodiment

Building self confidence is not something that can happen on a mental level, but rather through the embodiment of your worth.  In this episode, you learn about 5 ways to overcome self doubt and change limiting beliefs that has nothing to do with pushing through the fear or saying affirmations everyday.  Often, your confidence is an expression of your self-worth.  If you struggle with self-doubt, have a nagging inner critic or you struggle to confidently say no, then you will find this episode helpful. 

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About Tertia

I am a certified feminine embodiment coach and embodiment teacher.

In my private coaching and online programs, I teach you to drop from your head into your body so you can take your nervous system out of survive into thrive, clearing the way for you to live a life that fills you with joy and be guided by your inner knowing instead of outside influence.

I trust you found this episode helpful! It would mean the world to me if you could leave the show a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with your friends. That will help me reach more people. If you have any questions about this episode, I'd love to hear from you, send me a message via the links above.

Transcript

Tell me if this resonates. You seem very confident to the outside world, but secretly you're plagued with self doubt and you are highly motivated, but secretly you can never switch off and you always seem to overthink everything. Well, you are in the right place because in this video I'm going to share with you my five tips on being a confident, radiant woman who's connected to her feminine truth. And by the end of this video, you'll have some practical ways on how you can apply this in your life. So the five tips that I want to share with you is, number one, you meet self doubt where it lives in your body. Number two, you don't believe everything that you think. Number three, you release the good girl and connect with your wild woman. Number four, you follow the path of reclamation and liberation. And number five, being with your desires before taking action. It is so normal for us to struggle with self-doubt. Everybody experiences self-doubt at some point in their lives, but it becomes a problem if your self-doubt and your inner judgment, because usually these two go hand in hand, it becomes a problem when these two override you to the point where you stop believing in yourself and you really hold yourself back from going after your dreams and your desires or even just speaking up for what you need. So tip number one is to meet self-doubt where it lives in the body. And this sounds funny, but let me explain. You'd think that self-doubt is really a thought process that you go through, but our thoughts can be felt in the body. And when we are having conversations with ourself, when this little voice, the self-doubt voice comes up, what happens is our nervous system gets activated. You'll know that if you highly sensitive person, that your nervous system gets activated and triggered more easily than people who are not highly sensitive. And then you combine this with our nervous system that gets activated when we face self-doubt, and it's easy to see why this can be such a limiting experience then, and why it can really freeze us and keep us stuck. So by just trying to talk yourself out of your self-doubt and by convincing yourself to push through and that everything is okay, that doesn't really address the stuckness that we experience in our nervous system because of how our body and our subtle senses in our inner world respond that data that sits in the nervous system.  So by using feminine embodiment practices such as dropping in and meeting yourself where you're at, what begins to happen is you can start to untangle the self-doubt, which is almost like pieces of grime that sits in the nervous system. So this is a reason why so often positive affirmations and positive thinking doesn't work because that only works on the level of the mind and it doesn't really take into account the stuckness and the little blocks of frozen tension that lives inside the nervous system. So by meeting the self-doubt where it lives in the nervous system, where it gets activated and where it shows up into the world, this is how you can begin to free that up. The second tip that I want to share is that you shouldn't believe everything that you think. So here's a shocking fact for you. Only about 5% of what you think is new and original thoughts, it means about 95% of your thoughts are not original. It's the same thoughts that you keep on thinking. And this really is our brain's way of being efficient and making sure that things run smoothly and that we don't get any surprises. So your worldview, your perspectives, your beliefs, all of this is what makes up this 95% of our thoughts. And this is really just a loop that keeps on replaying all the time. And this explains why it's so difficult for us to change our limiting beliefs or to change the way that you think about things or to change your perspective. So obviously when we are not conscious of this, then this 95% of looping thoughts are just going to play out in our lives. And the first step then to beginning to change this, to begin to bring in new kinds of thoughts in this 95% pool that is supportive to you and that is lifting you up and that is helping you to show up in the best way for you, the first step is to develop awareness. So begin to track your thoughts. And by this I don't mean try and remember or pay attention to every single thought that you have. That's going to be impossible. But what you want to do is you want to start noticing is there a general theme that runs through your thinking? Is there a general theme that runs through your worldview that is not supportive to you? Is there a general theme that might be limiting in some way?  And of course, we don't only have one theme, we have many themes, but we are really looking here for those that are limiting, that are holding you back or that are not supporting you in any way. And then as you begin to develop this awareness, you are then more empowered to choose, am I going to believe this? Tip number three is that a confident woman has released her good girl and she embraces her wild woman. So to make sure that we are talking about the same thing here, my definition of the good girl is this is the role that we kind of adopt. And it's a, it's a conditioned role. So we learn it from our mothers, we learn it from our grandmothers, we learn it from our society that there's a certain way to behave that makes us good girls so that we can be loved and accepted and so that we can fit in. So good girls are typically girls who are obedient. They do what is expected of them, they take care of everyone else around them, and they make sure that they always do the right thing, whatever the right thing is. And when we are really bought into this role of good girl in our lives, what could happen is that we put to the side our own needs and our desires. We begin to sacrifice our own wellbeing for others. And of course, there's no self-actualization in this role of being the good girl. You are also going to find that if you show up as this good girl, you're going to struggle to embody healthy boundaries. You're gonna find that you're fluctuating between boundaries and you're often going to say yes when you actually mean no. The dark side of being in your good girl energy or embodying this good girl role in your life is that it leads to feelings of resentment and disappointment. And we end up feeling unfulfilled because you are really living your life for someone else instead of being true to who you really are on the inside. So the flip side of that is that a confident woman really embodies then her wild woman.  And our wild woman is this aspect of ourselves which is fiercely true. It is who we really are. It is our most sincere expression of ourselves. It is that untamed part of us that knows our desires. We know our yes, we know our no, we know what we are available for. And so connecting to your wild woman is going to give you a deep sense of self, a deep sense of self worth, and it's going to fill you with radiance. It's going to make you feel confident, it's going to increase your pleasure, the pleasure that you experience through moving through the world. And you are standing for your deep truth. If you know what you are available for and you really honour your own desires, you are intimate with the truth of who you are. You meet yourself where you are at. It means that you accept all parts of yourself. So there's a deep self-love that happens as a result of us stepping into our wild woman energy. And of course, this is what makes you confident. So a practical way in which you can begin to feel more of your wild woman essence is to start noticing, and again, some awareness, first is to begin to notice where in your life are you holding back? Where in your life are you doing what is expected of you? And where in your life are you playing the role of good girl? Because in those spaces, this is where there lies the opportunity and the possibility for you to bring some of your wild woman flavour in. Okay,  on then to the next step. And tip number four is, a confident woman follows the path of reclamation and liberation. And this is something that I teach in my program. So it is so important for us to make the decision that we are reclaiming ourselves, we are reclaiming our own worth. And this really lies at the basis of being confident is by standing firmly in your decision that you are reclaiming all parts of you. Now, whether it's historical conditioning where traditionally and historically masculine has been elevated and made more important than the feminine, or whether it's conditioning from your own culture or even your family system where you've been trained to doubt yourself not to believe in your own truth and your own wisdom, there's great power in us making the decision to reclaim all parts of ourselves, to reclaim those parts of us that we reject because we feel that they are not lovable. Those parts of us that aren't acceptable. Those parts of us that are too much, those parts of us that aren't good enough or to reclaim those parts of us that we have been taught are shameful. This is such an important and necessary initiation for us to go through when we really desire to step into the fullness of our confidence and into the fullness of flourishing in all areas of our life. So here's another little secret that I'll share with you. And that is for us to be fully confident, for us to show up fully self-expressed, sovereign, and really flourish in all areas of our lives, it's necessary for us to fully love ourselves. And by liberating ourselves from shame, by liberating all of the frozen tension that holds us stuck, that keeps us stuck in this role of good girl, or that keeps those 95% thought loops alive in us by liberating ourselves from that, this allows us to really step into our sovereign agency. And it's a process. It's not something that happens overnight. It really is a journey that we travel of reclaiming who we are, being willing to meet ourselves where we're at, and then liberating ourselves to create that freedom within. And then tip number five is a confident woman sits in the desire before she takes action. So mainstream manifesting and goal setting will teach you that the best way to achieve your goal and to get a result is to get crystal clear on what it is that you want and then to take action. And this is really a very masculine orientated way. And there's a little step in the middle that gets missed. And this is where the feminine comes in. So for everything that we want in the world, it starts with a desire. And often we are not really clear on what our desires are. Our desires are often overlaid with the demands and the needs of the people in our lives. And also our conditioning makes us think that desires which aren't really ours, actually belong to us. So part of this journey of walking the path of the feminine is also to get clear on what your true desires are. And then once you've landed on these desires, once you begin to get a taste and a sense of what it is that you truly, truly want, instead of then creating this vision or this goal and taking the action of achieving it, we want to pause a little bit and sit in the desire. It really is about learning to cultivate the desire that you're feeling. Now what this does is it actually increases and it expands the desire that we hold. So it expands our capacity. And as we increase the desire that we hold, as we allow that desire and that yearning to grow in us, and we send it out into  the quantum field around us, what happens is we become magnetic to that desire. So our magnetism increases as our desire increases. And from this space, when we take action, you'll find that your action is more aligned.  You don't have to think so much and spend so much time making plans coming up with a solution or trying to figure it all out. You're really following the wisdom of your body. You are allowing the natural feminine gift of magnetism to play out in the background. And then the actions that you are going to take are going to be so much more aligned.